My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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