And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
