Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
