when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
