I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
how does that bad decision feel?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
