I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
