omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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