she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
