Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize