She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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