New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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