Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
