so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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