I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize