I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
