remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
