Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.