I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.