After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.