well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.