saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
