I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
