I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
