My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
