he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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