I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
