so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
