my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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