absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
