So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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