It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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