im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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