I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
