i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
