I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
