Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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