I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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