is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
