There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
