I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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