neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize