it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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