I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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