i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
