You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
