It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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