I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
