yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
