he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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