I must be too annoying 4 u.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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