I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
