Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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