i just had sex bonerless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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