Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
