guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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