That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
