I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
