apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
