if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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