Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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