I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
