There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
