How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize