I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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